Teaching the Impossible
by ToshokanKeitorin
Summary: AyaxKen My obligatory cross-dressing-requiring-mission-so-has-to-be-taught-to-be-sexy-romantic-tension fic. Cute, light, terribly OOC. Have fun.


Manx had been gone fifteen minutes ago. Yohji had already gotten in his car and left. Omi had retreated to his computer. The mission room was silent, save for the soft hiss static from the television. 

And still Ken sat, jaw slack, eyes wide, just as he had since hearing about his new mission. The mission to take out a prominent target by going undercover at one of the establishments he frequented, a local bar. Simple enough, Ken had thought, that is until he heard all the sordid details. Then things had become anything but simple. 

Hidaka Ken was going undercover at a bar. As a prostitute. A gay prostitute. 

From his vantage point, Aya guessed that if Ken didn't blink soon, the poor guys eyeballs were going to dry up and fall out. 

"Ken." 

The boy just blinked a few times. Aya could see his hands shaking. 

"Ken." 

Ken seemed to register Aya's presence, and a brief look of confusion crossed his face. 

"...no," he choked out in a barely audible whisper. 

"Ken," said Aya a little more harshly. "Snap out of it now. I know it's...awkward, but it's you or Omi. You _can_ do this mission." 

"No," Ken repeated with more force. "This is not real. Kritiker did not just ask me to go undercover with hot pants and flirt with old men to kill some sick fuck with a penchant for young guys. It never happened, this is clearly a stress-induced hallucination," he said in a measured, reasonable tone. 

Aya took a step towards Ken. The boy was going to go into shock if he kept this up. 

"Ken, I know the mission is l like something some deranged yaoi fangirl thought up, but...I have faith in you. You can do this." 

It seemed that it was national shock the hell out of Ken day. _Did he just say he thought I could do this? Now I know this is a hallucination..._

"...Do," Ken swallowed. "Do you really think I can pull this off?" 

Aya allowed himself a small grin at the thought of Ken in hot pants. The athlete was about as effeminate as a rhinoceros. Though that ass would look good in tight...He hoped Ken would think his grin as a smile of reassurance. 

Oh, geez, now he's smiling. Where's the Twilight Zone theme in the background? 

"Of course you can do this Ken. You can't possibly be as naive as you look," said Aya. "I mean, there was Yuriko...and...Kase-" Aya stopped when he noticed the utterly blank look Ken was giving him. "You did, I mean...you aren't..." 

Realization bloomed in Ken's dark eyes. Aya couldn't help but take not of how positively adorable Ken looked with a delicate rose blush across his cheeks. 

"Geez, Aya, I mean...Yuriko, sure it would have come to that but we never...and Kase, Kase was a good friend. I might have but...We certainly weren't...GAH! Why does everyone think that?! We would have had our asses handed to us in J-league if that were true." 

The normally unflappable Aya actually widened his eyes slightly in surprise. 

"So you're..." 

"Yeah! So what? I'm a virgin. VIRGIN!" Ken practically shrieked. "I swear, you'd think it was some sort of crime, honestly, it's not like I'm saving myself or anything, it's just that a suitable opportunity never presented itself, I _am_ an assassin, and now I'm gonna have some salaryman feeling up my ass and-" 

Aya just gaped, barely hearing the young man's tirade. Ken had never...and now he was going to have to... 

"We have to contact Kritiker," he interrupted Ken. 

"Why?" 

"Because the mission is impossible." 

Ken frowned. "But you said I could do this." 

"Ken, that was before I knew...listen, you don't have to do this..." 

Ken's frown deepened. 

"But if I don't do this, that leaves Omi, and that whole idea is just completely unacceptable." Both noses in the room scrunch disgustedly in unison. "And if Weiss doesn't do it, the kidnapping will just continue. I can't allow that," he concluded with finality. 

Aya's scarlet head shook slowly. 

"Ken, you just don't get it. You'll have to pose as an experienced gay prostitute. That is just not happening as you are now." 

"Well, that's easy. I'll just learn. The mission isn't 'til next week. That's plenty of time to learn, right?" Ken said brightly. 

"And just who," Aya asked quietly, "are you planning to get to teach you?" 

Ken blinked and shifted his feet. "Well, there's Yohji. I'm sure he knows lots about sex." 

"He does," Aya said with an uncharacteristic lopsided smirk. "The straight kind." 

"Oh," said Ken, a little deflated. "I could ask Omi to fix me up on the Internet." A brief wince accompanied this suggestion as Ken thought about the chibi and sex in the same hour. 

"Ken," said Aya slowly, "the Internet is not going to teach a virgin to go undercover convincingly." 

"Then what the hell do you suggest, Mr. Helpful?! Let those bastards off clear?! I mean-" 

"I could teach you." 

"-just let the perverts off because I know less about sex than your average houseplant. Let those sick fucks off free and clear because I can't learn-" Ken stopped for a breath. "What were you saying?" 

"I said I could teach you." 

"Yeah, I must've misheard you again there. I could've sworn Fujimiya Aya just offered to teach me about gay sex for a mission; I've really gotta get my ears checked before another mission, I mean lately-" 

"I. Will. Teach. You." Aya enunciated slowly. 

Ken sat down. Abruptly. 

Okay, Hidaka, you've got two options at this point: A) drop dead from sheer shock, in which case, no hot pants or bow tie, or B) go along with this...this...incredibly wrong situation and save a bunch of people by killing some really bad guys. 

"Okay," he managed to say, practically squeaking. "Let's get this over with." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"Hell. No." Ken growled from his position against the far wall of the room, arms crossed over his chest and as far away as possible from the offending garments. 

"Ken, it could be a lot worse…"Aya just was not made to comfort people, Ken decided. The smile he threw Ken held far too much amusement as he stood, some sort of zippy, strappy apparatus in one hand, pants that looked like they were made out of fish scales and looked like even Omi couldn't squeeze into them in the other. 

"If you don't put that…that…imitation plastic _whore-gear_ away this instant, I'm getting my claws!" shrieked Ken, clearly pissed beyond all belief. 

"Ken," called Aya. 

"WHAT!?" 

"Why would anyone make imitation plastic?" He asked innocently. "And of course it's whore-gear, that's what you will be posing as, or did you just not remember?" 

Ken looked like he was going to spontaneously combust, then his anger drained away. "Okay, fine, but there has got to be something better than that, even if it is Yohji's closet we are looking through…I still can't imagine how he fits into those pants…" 

Aya smiled absently, pulling some plain black leather pants with strategically places holes out. 

"Do these fit your majesties requirements?" He asked, letting his smile grow. 

"Fine. Better than those other…things…" Ken shuddered. "What about a shirt?" 

Aya looked back at the selection, debating. Anything would be better than the athlete's usual clothes: baggy pants, jersey and hideous, hideous sweater. He decided on a tight, chocolate colored top that should bring out Ken's eyes and mold to his well defined muscles…_whoa, there, Fujimiya, down boy._

"Here Ken, put these on," Aya ordered as he through the clothes towards Ken. "Put them on." 

Ken looked at the clothing with a resigned sigh, and turned to go down the hall. 

"Wait." 

"Oh, please, what now, you're picking out a thong for me to wear, I can only take so much-" 

"Change here. You need to get comfortable with people watching you, or this is not going to work." 

"And that right there is just about over the line of what I can take. No. Not happening," Ken spluttered. 

Aya stood back and observed the boy, giving him a "shi-ne" glare to get him started. The glare lost most of it's venom when Ken sighed melodramatically and removed his jacket, then yanked off the jersey in one graceful motion. Aya's eyebrows shot up into the stratosphere as he took in the athlete's chiseled chest and long muscles under perfectly tanned skin. 

"Ken, I changed my mind. This will work," Aya declared huskily. 

Ken looked at him distrustfully as he went to undo the fly of his jeans. "Aya, I swear to God, if you are making fun of me…" 

Aya shook his head and barely managed to rip his eyes away, turning back to the closet to hide a truly embarrassing reaction to the scene. _Okay, I was caught off guard. Stupid, Aya, you knew Ken was hot, even under his hobo clothes, should have expected that._

When Aya got himself under control and turned back to Ken, he found himself suddenly bereft of the ability to formulate rational thoughts. Ken was dressed in the form-fitting low slung pants, his figure perfectly displayed by the rich brown top that left his perfectly smooth, yet strong arms bare. 

"Aya, I look ridiculous, can't we just get some jeans or something…"Ken trailed off at Aya's silence, noticing the look the other man was giving him. "Hey, are you okay…" 

"Yes. Yes, I am fine," Aya said, sounding a little strained. "Put these on and come into the bathroom," he requested, throwing a pair of black boots at Ken and darting for the bathroom. Bemused, Ken obeyed and followed him. Then prepared to turn right back and run the other way at what he saw. 

Aya was holding out the eye-liner like he held his katana. Ken shook his head angrily…then sighed. If he had already put on this outfit…in front of the man…_Ah, hell, what's little more humiliation?_ he wondered, steeling himself. 

What Ken wasn't prepared for was the way he felt his heart speed up when Aya cupped his chin in strong pale fingers and tilted his face upwards. He held his own face just inches away, peering at Ken's eyes intently. Ken swallowed nervously, silently berating his hormones. Aya pursed his lips thoughtfully, and began to apply the eye-liner. Ken closed his eyes more to block out the sight of Aya's suddenly alluring face then to help in the application. 

Ken could feel the heat radiating off Aya's body, felt his skin tingle. Then suddenly, the other man released him. 

"Look at yourself in the mirror, Ken," said Aya after clearing his throat. 

Ken clenched his fists and turned…and almost jumped in surprise. He looked…way different. The outfit accenting his muscles, the make-up accenting his eyes, making them look even bigger than Omi's…and, wow, Aya must've put some sort of glitter in his hair, because the chocolate strands caught the light. 

"Wow," said Ken. 

"Yeah, that about sums it up," Aya agreed. "Now come the fun: you can't just look the part Ken, you have to act it." 

"Okay, fine. Even I'm starting to think I might be able to pull this off-" 

"I'll begin by explaining the mechanics of it." 

Ken's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Of…oh." 

In next fifteen minutes, Ken's face displayed every single hue of red discernable by the human eye. For the ten minutes after that, he thought his face would just burst into flame. Then Aya got into the really good stuff, and Ken knew he would die from an explosive nosebleed, a rather ignoble death for a world-class assassin. 

"Well, still think you can handle it?" Aya asked, who, surprisingly sported a blush matching Ken's. 

"I…uh…Oh dear god," was the only thing Ken could say. 

"Ken, you know I have faith that you could pull this off. But that doesn't mean you have to," Aya frowned when he realized Ken wasn't listening to him. "Ken, are you paying attention to me? This is important-" 

"Aya, remember when I said that I never did anything like that because an opportunity never presented itself? Well, there were, but…they didn't know everything about me. They didn't know who I really was, and I couldn't handle opening up to someone who I couldn't be completely truthful with. But now I have someone who knows everything about me, who tells me they believe in me, who takes time to help when they don't even have to. Aya, do you know what I'm getting at?" Ken asked pointedly, blush magnifying ten-fold. 

"Ummm," replied Aya, blinking. This was looking promising. He had always admired the athlete from afar, never even letting the possibility of anything…oh wow. 

"Well, not only does that person care about me, but they have one hell of a sexy voice," he said, with an lascivious grin the last half-hours talk must have bestowed upon him, "everything that goes along with that ain't half bad either. And apparently, they know a hell of a lot about stuff that sounds really good. It must be this damn glitter or something but…" 

"Ken, I think I know what you're getting at," Aya said, then suddenly leaned forward and knitted his fingers through chocolate strands, pulling the boy's face close. His other arm snaked under the brown shirt, and he ran his fingers over smooth tan skin, causing Ken to jerk in surprise, then quickly lean into his caress, letting out a soft groan. "And it looks like I'm going to have to find this bastard and kill him." 

Ken smiled, and Aya softly brushed that smile with his own lips, reveling in the sweet tingles that spread over his body at the contact. 

"Think this'll help me with the mission?" Ken asked breathlessly when Aya freed his mouth to concentrate his attention on removing those damn tight pants he had put Ken into and was currently cursing himself for. 

"Ken, you aren't doing this mission. I will find another way. There is no way anyone else is touching you, you're mine," Aya snarled possessively. "Please," he asked, as desperate as Ken had ever heard him. 

"Of course," Ken whispered, smiling. _I could get used to this,_ he thought. Then didn't think again for a very long time.


End file.
